so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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