eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
