so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
