The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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