I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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