I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
