Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
