We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
