I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
