good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
