At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
How's work?
Spinning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
