AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
