I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
