My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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