never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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