Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
