I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
