so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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