just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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