Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
did i walk over a car last night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
