Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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