How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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