I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
