Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
