I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
