I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
