Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The uberlube is also flammable
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
