A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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