i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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