Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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