Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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