there's paper in my vomit.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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