i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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