Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
