Swine flu. Run for my life!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I AM VODKA MAN
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
