Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
