Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
