You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
