people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
