The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
