Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
