You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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