Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
