I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
