Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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