i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
