May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Actions speak louder than pants.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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