I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
