it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
