I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize