I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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