Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
