god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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