i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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