I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
