Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im holly from the hills drunk
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
