So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize