I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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