this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
