No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize