I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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