I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
