if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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