carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize