What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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