my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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