Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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