I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
