So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
