you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
