please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
