If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
