God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
