Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
