Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
